I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Is it because I queefed?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
