I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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