Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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