So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
