I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
