just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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