47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I will pee on everything he values.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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