I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
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