I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
