Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
