its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
