i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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