I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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