Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He felt like a one man threesome
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
