That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize