I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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