Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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