I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize