Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
