Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
