You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
