I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
