i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
