yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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