I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
