My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
