I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
