Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
