what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
