so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
