would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
