Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
