We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
