I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
