omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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