that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
