I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
