I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
