hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
