Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
