And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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