Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
