So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
