Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
