if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
