What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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