dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
