i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know her cup size but not her name....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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