Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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