remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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