Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
