M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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