I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
