How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
