It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
