Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
