I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
